sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We named our party play list daddy issues
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize