never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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