He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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