I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
