I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
