I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
