The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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