billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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