you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize