bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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