Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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