Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
