Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Randomize
