I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
