my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your cock deserves a montage
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
