I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
