I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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