i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
