Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
