nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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