Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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