You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
