I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
