I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
