i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
