Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
