So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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