so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Randomize
