We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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