umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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