Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
