those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
