I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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