why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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