That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
