Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
