Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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