why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
