Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
