Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
