margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
