"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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