im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have tasted many bathrooms
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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