Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
