yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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