Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
