come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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