You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was confusing and full of hummus
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
