Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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