You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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