Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
