actually, I'm a sock model
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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