What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
