Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
how drunk are you?
Several
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
