I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
