Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
