There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
