You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
