She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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