If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up