i wish there were pregnant emoticons
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.