if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.