the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.