yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.