Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
