My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
