I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
