So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
