I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
