hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
