apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
