If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
