My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
