I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
