He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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