Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
