So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
