Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
