discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
