Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
