1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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