it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
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Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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