i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
