Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
