dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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