You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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