But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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