can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
