end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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